Wednesday, July 31, 2002

Eric © CBS Television

It's Wednesday night on "Big Brother 3", and that means? filler. Yes, there's veto power to be won, but it's taking the housemates quite a while to get the hang of using it. Even worse, the veto competitions are quite possibly the lamest games ever devised. Here's an idea: a life-size Whack-A-Mole game featuring the players being hit over the head with a large mallet. The last one still conscious wins.

Last Saturday, Roddy nominated the inseparable Marcellas and Amy for eviction, the second time for both. Neither one is especially pleased or surprised at this point, because the actions of the "Baywatch" clique have been very predictable.

Roddy is also very unhappy because making the nominations was ever so hard on him. Mean old Marcellas and Amy are not making him feel any better about it, either. When Roddy climbs into the hammock with the couple to complain about how painful it was for him to put them up for eviction, Marcellas stops Roddy at mid-rationalization, telling him to talk to the hand. You go, girlfriend.

The once plucky Amy seems to have given up on herself, and turns to her crutch: cheese. She sits in her room, eating handfuls of shredded cheddar out of the bag. It's very sad. She may just land a Velveeta commercial after the show, though.

In last week's gripping food challenge, the players won Subway sandwiches for a week. After they star in the obligatory unscripted Subway commercial, "Big Brother 3" enters "The Twilight Zone."

The evil karma razor has filled Marcellas with Josh-style paranoia, causing him to see doom in every corner. For instance, he realizes that he is now sharing the Map Room bed with Chiara in the exact position that the condemned Lori and Tonya once filled. [Several eerie shots of the bed.] Then there's the coincidence that Marcellas' photo shares the shelf with the black and white photos of the departed Lori and Tonya. [Spooky shots of the shelf.]

No slouch when it comes to "Big Brother 3" history, Marcellas confronts Roddy in the HOH room about his fears. In the last two evictions, the decoy nominee has had to suffer the Julie Chen exit interview. Roddy promises that there was no ulterior motive behind the nomination, and that Marcellas is safe.

Marcellas is no fool. He knows that you cannot trust a man who has no lips.

Speaking of fools, Chiara's motto should be, "Love Not Too Wisely, But Too Often." There is a montage of Kiki referring to her wild sexual past, interspersed with shots of a disgusted Amy. She recalls the night she swapped boyfriends with another woman, and Amy continues to look sickened.

Amy declares to the camera that her new nickname for Chiara is Ki-Whora, which seems rather harsh until the overly long clip of Chiara moaning and writhing as Lisa applies sunscreen to her back. At least no peanut butter was wasted.

While the other houseguests try to earn a TV-14 rating, Danielle and Jason quietly continue their alliance of two. Danielle trusts Jason because he is a devout Christian and looks like an asexual Ethan Hawke. They discuss Roddy's strength and intelligence, but note that Kiki knocks him back into "boyfriend" mode, which may hurt him. Danielle suggests getting rid of Roddy, and Jason agrees.

It's time for the super-ironic "Big Brother 3" moment, where Roddy tells the camera in the Diary Room that he trusts Jason about as much as anyone on the planet. He would be shocked - shocked - if Jason turned on him.

Chiara, in turn, is deeply delusional about her relationship with Roddy. At least she realizes that she is making a total fool of herself when she confesses her deep and everlasting love of Mr. No-Lips to Danielle and Lisa. She hasn't felt like this for a guy in five years - not since she was 20-years old, ages ago. As it turns out, Kiki has already named their children. He'll be an amazing father, she tells Danielle.

Danielle, to her credit, neither bursts out laughing nor slaps her.

Marcellas wasn't picking out baby names with Roddy last week, but he did admit a crush to the cameras, which is probably why he won the America's Choice competition for an intimate date with the housemate of his choice. Callers were probably hoping for a hilariously uncomfortable date between the two men, but Roddy blew the mood when he made nominations. Instead, Marcellas and Amy shared yet another "Will & Grace" evening together.

While they are dining, Danielle is scheming about her next move. She hopes to keep Gerry and Josh in the house, and use them along with Jason and Marcellas or Amy to break up the two couples: Eric & Lisa and Roddy & Chiara.

The couples may not be as solid as she thinks. Eric, Roddy and Josh discuss getting rid of Lisa and Chiara. The women have the same discussion, but the guys note that women have a harder time keeping it together. To boost their argument, "Big Brother 3" editors show a montage of recent female freak-outs. Thanks, guys.

The idiotic veto competition was called "Pool Sharks." The players had to knock the ball representing the person they did not want to win into the pool. The game itself must have taken a couple hours, but for the show, it was edited down to way too long. Eric won.

Before the veto decision was made, Amy made an appeal to Roddy. She explained that she was unpleasant because she was born two months premature and subsequently spoiled rotten by her family. She was an ugly child, and never realized why she had no friends. Alas, the cheese addiction was not explained.

When it is time for Eric to make a veto decision, he asks Amy and Marcellas to convince him why they should stay. Amy makes a comical show of grabbing Eric's leg and pleading to remain in the house, but finally tells him that she has nothing to add. Marcellas stares at him defiantly.

Eric decides not to use veto power in his own self interest. Congratulations, viewers, you've just wasted an hour. Tune in Thursday at 8 p.m. ET to see if the ugly spoiled child or the razor-cursed houseguest is evicted.

Read the next recap >>