Thursday, July 18, 2002

Lori © CBS Television

Tonight, "Big Brother 3" held its first eviction in an hour so crammed with superfluous junk, it made Josh seem less annoying by comparison. There were clips from past shows, interviews with the nominees' family members, updates on "Big Brother 2" contestants, the actual eviction, and the HOH competition. Worst of all, there was Julie Chen.

Ms. Chen should seriously consider adding a clause in her contract that prohibits appearances on live television. To be fair, it's not for everyone. Live TV requires the ability to read a teleprompter, to ad lib during the inevitable technical difficulties, and to tell the difference between a soup ladle and a plunger.

Speaking of glitches, Gerry seems to believe that God gave him the power of veto in order to save Marcellas from eviction. According to him, the alliance of six, of which Gerry was once king, picked Marcellas because he was black and gay. "It's become good versus evil," he preaches.

Marcellas agrees, "It's like " Touched by an Angel" versus " Baywatch."" Meanwhile, the alliance replaces Gerry with Tonya. Maybe it's more like "Father Dowling" versus "Baywatch."

Danielle is skeptical about Gerry's motives. Perhaps she has seen the "benevolent white man" act before. In any case, Danielle is at least 40 IQ points ahead of the other houseguests, which is not tough considering the competition, but it may help out in the long run. She plans to sit out the bickering and let the alliance members pick each other off.

At this point, the houseguests gather in the living room to be interrogated by Julie Chen, who announces that she can't hear them in her earpiece. "I can't read lips, Danielle," she adds helpfully. Thank goodness the problem is fixed, so that Julie and the houseguests can exchange hellos and go to commercial.

The first three voters now enter the Diary Room to say something nice about both of the nominees before they dump one like a load of bad asphalt. Gerry goes first, telling the camera that Amy has won his heart, and that she is a "cute Southern belle" before he votes for her. Danielle promised Lori that she's "got her back" and actually keeps her word, voting for Amy. Tonya claims not to know Amy very well, but she bonded with Lori, so she votes for Lori.

It's time for another irritating break in momentum, so Julie Chen steps in to announce video interviews with the nominees' family. Lori's parents admit that she can come off as a "crybaby" but she is actually "funny, vivacious and happy."

Amy's mom and dad candidly admit that she comes off as a "complete snob" but is really "outgoing with a great sense of humor." They show off two of her beauty pageant trophies. While clips of Amy's drinking binge were shown to her squirming parents, mysteriously, her cheese obsession was not mentioned.

It's time for three more houseguests to vote. Eric describes Lori as sweet and Amy as totally oblivious. He votes for Lori. Chiara calls Lori "adorable and emotional" and votes for her. Jason realizes that Lori's presence is damaging to him because they won the tree competition and will keep making money as long as both are in the house. It seems for a moment that he may turn his back on their bond, but he does vote for Amy.

Amy and Lori are now tied at three votes each, with all alliance members voting for Lori.

Now it's time for the "Big Brother 2" updates. Let's see what the losers are up to:

Nicole has done charity work and is now working as a DeeJay on weekends at a local radio station. She has remained close to Hardy, and hopes he can meet a good gal. Nicole thinks Josh is the next "Big Brother 3" contestant who will get kicked out.

Hardy returned to Miami and is now modeling and acting. He's currently single and looking for someone special. As an added bonus, he's not afraid of looking desperate and pathetic on national television.

Autumn is pursuing a career as a singer and is hoping to land a record deal. Because of the "bag of chips" incident on "Big Brother 2", she developed an eating disorder, but has since recovered. She is rooting for Jason to win it all this year.

Kent quit smoking after running out of cigarettes in the "Big Brother 2" house, and still talks to Bunky. He's not surprised that Mike and Krista will not be getting married, and believes the proposal was an attempt to steal attention from Will and Nicole. He thinks that Tonya may win this year's game so long as no one pops her implants. Mmm-Kay.

Julie Chen threatens to bring more "Big Brother 2" contestants back next week, including Josh's role model, Will. Then she interviews Lisa about being HOH. Lisa admits that the only person she would not like to see win the HOH competition is Josh, because he would go on a power trip and bring negative energy to the house. (Then why didn't you nominate him, dimwit?)

Back in the diary room, Marcellas casts his vote for Lori, admitting that he feels grateful to her for taking the fall for him. As viewers may remember, Josh swore on the love of his girlfriend that he would not vote for Lori, even though the alliance has chosen her. Unbelievably, Josh actually keeps his word, perhaps realizing that for him, the love of a woman may be harder to win than $500,000.

Roddy is the last houseguest to vote. He formed a strong bond with Lori at the beginning of the show, but is now a member of the ever-shifting alliance, having replaced Amy. For some asinine reason, the producers felt that it would be more dramatic to see Julie Chen's floating head announce the verdict instead of playing Roddy's video.

He chose the alliance over friendship, and Lori is outta here. She actually manages not to cry as she hugs the others goodbye and leaves the house. No one from "Big Brother 3" thinks to direct her to the control room, so she stands confused in the yard for several beats.

When Julie Chen does her exit interview, Lori refuses to badmouth the other contestants. Would she have played the game differently? No. Was there anyone who disappointed her? No siree, Bob. Lori watches a goodbye tape from Jason, Gerry, Danielle and Marcellas wishing her the best, and she's gone until CBS needs to irritate "Big Brother 4" viewers.

The HOH competition is a memory game in which the contestants hold up props in answer to Julie Chen's questions. They are not asked to don swimsuits beforehand. After what seems like 30 questions, Marcellas wins HOH. This should be fun. (Please, for the love of all that is good and pure, let something be fun on this show.)

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