The modern-day remake of the 1968 film, Sweet November, stars Keanu Reeves as workaholic business man, Nelson Moss, and Charlize Theron as Sara Deever, the whimsical free spirit determined to save him. After a chance encounter at the DMV, Nelson costs Sara her driver's license for thirty days - big mistake.

Later that day, Sara tracks him to his posh San Francisco apartment, accosts his doorman, and, in order to convince Nelson to drive her on an errand, shouts obscenities at his neighbors until Nelson calls the police and has her arrested. No, wait -- that's what would have happened in real life. Sweet November is no relation. It is cliché filmmaking at its gag-inducing worst.

Instead of requesting a restraining order against Sara, Nelson drives her to Oakland, where she makes him wait in the car as she breaks into a building to rescue two puppies. According to Sara, some evil entity was planning to experiment with the puppies' brains. Unfortunately, she has the same intentions toward Nelson, but no one intervenes on his behalf.

You see, Sara has decided to "save" Nelson from his successful, soulless existence as an advertising executive. This is her mission in life: she finds a spiritually broken man, and for exactly one month, has him move into her apartment, wear grunge clothing and play hide and seek with her until his soul is reborn. At the end of the month, he gets kicked to the curb and she finds another project. Nelson is "Mr.November".

Does this hugely successful businessman eventually agree to abandon his lifelong ambition and move in with a strange woman? Will the family-oriented hot dog company object to Nelson's aggressively phallic new ad campaign, thus getting him fired? On the exact same day, does Nelson's girlfriend decide to leave him, thereby eliminating all obstacles to his relationship with Sara? More importantly -- will Keanu say "Whoa", his signature line in each and every one of his films?

The answer to all of these questions is yes.

Sweet November doesn't miss a trick. It rounds all the foo foo romance bases. There's a terminal illness, an adorable big-eyed puppy, an adorable big-eyed orphan, and what all modern romance movies need: the spiritually centered transvestite neighbor/confidante. Of course, the lovers have an emotional confrontation in a rainstorm (made especially notable by the fact that neither one gets rained upon). Then there's the obligatory musical montage/romantic flashback sequence.

It makes you wonder what Charlize Theron was thinking when she signed on to Sweet November. She tries to bring depth to Sara, but this is the kind of film where terminal illness is implied by lack of eye makeup. Good acting can only make Sara less irritating. As for Keanu Reeves, this film was a huge mistake. He has no chemistry with Theron, which makes many of the scenes painful to watch. Plus, Nelson is supposed to make a remarkable emotional transformation in the film's two hours, but Reeves' range extends from confusion to irritation. It may work in The Matrix, but not here.

Speaking of confusion and irritation, Sweet November inspires both by the end of its overly long running time. Plot lines go nowhere, good actors are misused, and emotions get manipulated. Cross this one off of your calendar.

Photo copyright: Warner Bros Pictures.