Dateline:3/26/00

The first Academy Awards ceremony of this decade is in the can, and the winners have gone home with their little gold statues (those that made it home after the parties). For some reason, this year's Oscars was plagued with more mishaps, and blessed with more free publicity, than any ceremony in recent memory. First, Harry Knowles tried to scoop the Academy and released an advanced list of nominees. Second, the ballots were lost in the mail, and soon after, the Oscar statues vanished as well. Just as it started to seem like a bad Scooby Doo episode, the Wall Street Journal ganged up on old Oscar by polling the Academy members on their votes.

Before the big night, the ballots were in and the awards had been discovered by a lucky man, who got $50,000 and a seat at the biggest party in Hollywood for his trouble. A forecast of rain had loomed over Los Angeles Sunday night, but cleared at the 11th hour to bring traditional Southern California weather to the Shrine Auditorium. All the plotlines had been resolved, just like in the movies. It was time for the Oscars!

The biggest surprise of the evening was the total lack of any upset. All the projected favorites won. Even Cher was dressed tastefully! The only suspense and anticipation of the evening surrounded the Best Song category. Presented after all other nominees, South Park's "Blame Canada" was performed by Robin Williams. Everyone wanted to know if the controversial lyrics would be performed. Williams didn't disappoint. In fact, the entire awards show could have used a little more of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's flair for surprise. Parker and Stone dressed in drag for the awards, appearing as Jennifer Lopez and Gwyneth Paltrow, respectively. Speaking of drag, not only did "Blame Canada" not win, ("You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan won) but Parker and Stone were never shown during the ceremony!

The winners were as predicted, with American Beauty taking Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best Cinematography. Kevin Spacey took home his second Oscar, surprising a few people who felt that Denzel Washington was due for his performance in The Hurricane. It was not a shock to see Angelina Jolie accept for Best Supporting Actress in Girl, Interrupted, except for the fact that she looked a bit like Vampira, with long black hair to match her long black dress.

Michael Caine won as Best Supporting Actor for his role in The Cider House Rules. Caine mentioned the fine performances of his competition in his acceptance speech, and then asked for more time. Cider also won for Best Adapted Screenplay, with John Irving accepting for adapting his own novel.

Although many thought Annette Bening would win Best Actress (or give birth onstage) it was hardly an upset when Hilary Swank won for her role in Boys Don't Cry. Swank had previously won the Golden Globe for this role, and seemed poised and in control as she read from a laundry list of people to thank. Her husband, Chad Lowe, seemed to be much more emotional, with tears streaming down his face as the camera cut to him, perhaps it hurt that he was not mentioned.

The Matrix did quite well on Oscar night, winning every category for which it was nominated. It swept the Film Editing, Visual Effects, Sound, and Sound Effects awards. Warner Bros is probably wondering if it should have pushed Keanu for Best Actor right about now. But seriously...

Another favorite with the Academy was Topsy-Turvy, which grabbed the first two Oscars awarded on Sunday night. Topsy-Turvy won for Best Costume and Best Makeup. It lost out to Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow in the Art Direction category, however.

Rounding out the awards was All About My Mother, which won Best Foreign Film. The Best Original Score Oscar went to The Red Violin. Winning documentaries were King Gimp in the Short Subject category and One Day in September in the Feature category. Oscar winners for Short Film were The Old Man in the Sea in the Animated group, and My Mother Dreams the Satan's Disciples in N.Y. in the live division.

The show itself was fairly predictable. After two hours of Oscar pre-shows, with the usual eyeball-rolling humor, there was the standard fashion parade into the Shrine Auditorium, and a speech from the Academy President. Billy Crystal's opeing montage was brilliant as usual.

As a tribute to the last century of Hollywood films, Crystal appeared through the magic of digital effects, to be taking part in some of last century's most memorable films. Cracking jokes along the way, Crystal made cameos in Taxi Driver, Psycho, Spartacus, Deliverance, E.T., The Godfather, and West Side Story.

A baffling addition to the show this year was Peter Coyote as the show's announcer. Standing behind a podium to the side of the Oscar stage, a friend of mine kept saying he expected Coyote to cut to the local news station for a weather update. Perhaps this was the tradeoff for the elimination of the dance numbers.

The Academy does like its padding, and the show lasted over four hours, the shortest show of the century, as Crystal joked. Warren Beatty received the Irving Thalberg Award, after a rambling, yet sincere, introduction by Jack Nicholson. Beatty reminiced about his years in Hollywood, and gave a touching tribute to his wife, Annette Bening. Then there were the film montages so beloved by the Oscar shows, followed by more filler. My suggestion would be, show the clothes, show Crystal's opening act, do a song written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker and give out the awards. And I never want to see another Pepsi commercial with that adorable little girl again. Ever.